that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
