please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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