I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
