in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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