I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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