So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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