if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
