He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize