I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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