Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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