franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize