Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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