i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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