I puked a lego.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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