Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize