Got a toothbrush?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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