They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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