I can text with my tongue
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize