i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
