I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just invented taco cereal.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
