Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
