u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
