The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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