It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
try to milk me bitch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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