thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
