At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
