She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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