I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
