I'm gonna have a badass scar
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
