I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
