is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
