i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how drunk are you?
Several
we're so committed to being not committed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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