There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
