Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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