Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
