I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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