none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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