shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
