I'm so fucking centered right now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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