O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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