Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
