Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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