I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize