i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
