his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
