Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
