I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
