Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
