Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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