i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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