if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize