The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
