New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
