I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
