Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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