I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
