I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
