Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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