Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
