remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize