I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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