Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
