"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
