watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
