It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
