Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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