Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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