He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
