So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
